6 Self Care Tips for Hot Mess Moms
I will never be what I call a “Pinterest mom.” You know the moms I’m talking about. The ones who have the perfect decorations, their house is always clean, they wear makeup every day and wear something besides yoga pant and hoodies.
I’m a hot mess mom (as you can see in my Instagram profile.) My kids eat food off the floor, my hair is always a mess and the laundry pile has sat there for so long that it’s officially part of the decor.
What I am good at is self-care. At the time of writing this, I am a military spouse whose has had to live apart from her husband for almost a year now. When he left our girls were only 2 and 6 months old, and I have been keeping them alive by myself every day. I would never call myself a single mom, but I am a solo mom and can understand the struggle of never having time to focus on myself.
During the last few months, I’ve gone through a lot of self-growth and set a daily intentional practice around self-care. I wanted to come on the blog today to share some of these ideas with you. You don’t need to be a Pinterest mom to take care of yourself, so take a look at these ideas and hopefully, you can find something that works for you!
Identify What You Want
I know you aren’t all as obsessed with nail polish as I am, so I can’t just tell something generic like “paint your nails” and expect you to feel better. The only way you can take care of yourself is to find out the things that you enjoy doing or yourself.
This might look like laying in a hammock or getting a good workout in. Maybe you like to sit and do puzzles, or just veg out and watch Netflix at night without a miniature version of yourself asking to you wipe their bum.
Your wants can also expand into personal goals and dreams. Maybe you want to become a working mom so that you can help provide for your family and have some adult interaction during the day. Vice versa, maybe you want to become a stay at home mom so you can paint with your kids and go on school trips with them.
Anything is allowed as long as it’s a genuine desire. It doesn’t need to be Pinterest worthy or even make sense to anyone else but you. It’s called self-care, not do-what-everyone-else-says care.
Ask For Help
One of the biggest things this year solo has taught me is to ask for help. The obstacle I had for this was my own guilt. My version of self-care is time away from my kids. I thought that since I chose to be a stay-at-home-mom, I chose to be with my kids 24/7 and I shouldn’t expect others to help me watch them while I got time away.
I hired a nanny in about 8 months ago and it has been the greatest thing in the world. I get time away, time to work on my work stuff, and I also now have someone I trust to watch the girls if an emergency comes.
Not everyone can hire help, and I get that. There are so many other resources that you can use to get the help that doesn’t cost money. My first daughter was extremely high maintenance, and I remember asking a friend if I could drop by her house to take a shower while she watched her. She said yes, and then I helped her clean and loaded her dishwasher as a thank you. Find someone who will exchange time or babysitting so you can both get stuff done.
This idea isn’t exclusive to childcare either! Maybe you need help cleaning your house or finishing a project, or maybe you just want advice on how to eat a healthier diet.
Ask your friends, ask your neighbors, ask your family. The world is filled with abundance and there is plenty of resources for you if you just reach out.
Admit Your Faults
Now, this may be a hard pill to swallow, but if you are a hot mess mom like me then you already know you are not great at everything. The best way to overcome a fault to look it right in the face.
If there is something you don’t do well, then find a way to either fix it or find a way to manage it to fit your lifestyle. I am horrible at folding laundry, so I add a basket to my living room where all of the clean clothes go until I feel like putting them away correctly. Not entirely Pinterest worthy, but it works for us and I no longer feel bad about not having the perfect setup.
This might also be acknowledging that you are bad at meal prepping, so you opt to buy healthy pre-made food in bulk. This may be an odd suggestion in a self-care category, but the reason I included it is that you need to find a way for your life to work for you, and more importantly, you need to let go of the guilt you feel for not being exactly like the perfect moms online.
Celebrate What You Do Well
On the flip side, you need to acknowledge what you do well. I may not have my kids sit down at the table perfectly for every meal, but they know their manners and I don’t tolerate tantrums.
I may not put my kids in fashionable outfits every day, but they are bathed at night and put on clean pajamas and hop into a nice warm bed that I make for them.
All styles of parenting are going to be different, so you have to find what you do well and celebrate that. If you spend all day thinking about what you do wrong you are just going to bring yourself down.
The mom guilt is so intense, so you just have to not let it get to you. Maybe you are down on yourself for feeding your kids chicken nuggets for three nights in a row, but they are out there telling their friends how great you are at playing with them at the park every day. You are a good parent in your own way and you deserve to be proud of that.
Fix Your Systems
Here is one of the biggest tips I’ve learned about self-care. Systems. Have a set of rules in place that you do that make your life easier. This can be a morning routine, or a bedtime routine, or a system for cleaning your kitchen.
Whatever it is, make sure it works for you. If you find that you are rushing in the morning to get the kids out the door, or maybe your bedtime routine is too hectic, then change it.
I’m not talking about waking up at 4 am to iron your bedsheets. Simple changes such as packing lunches in the evening, or making your kids take baths before dinner, are going to help you.
My favorite example of this for myself is to wipe down the counter near the coffee pot at night (even if I have to ignore the dishes when I do it.) Coffee keeps me functioning and if I can have that ready when I wake up then my morning routine goes more smoothly. Again, you don’t need to be perfect, but making systems work for you is going to make you less stressed out.
Personal Growth and Positive Mindset
Last but certainly not least, you need to take care of your mental health. You should always be pursuing some kind of personal development. Reading books, journaling, and of course meditation.
If things like depression and anxiety are also issues, you need to address them. I don’t care if it’s following natural remedies, therapy, medication or even just reaching out to support groups on facebook. Do something about it, ask for help.
Having a positive mindset is going to help you overcome any obstacles you might face in life, as well as help you work on your personal goals. I know we can get caught up in the daily life of motherhood, especially as hot mess moms, but there is so much life out there to live and we can’t forget that.
I am definitely no expert at motherhood, but I have used these as rules in my daily life. I have seen a lot of improvement in myself and it’s even helped my kids. That whole saying, “If momma ain’t happy” is so true. We have to take care of ourselves, even if we aren’t perfect moms.
What are your rules for surviving life as a hot mess mom? Connect with us on Instagram and let us know!